{"id":726,"date":"2023-07-18T13:53:18","date_gmt":"2023-07-18T13:53:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/d2fpc.com\/?p=726"},"modified":"2023-08-17T22:59:16","modified_gmt":"2023-08-18T02:59:16","slug":"successful-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/d2fpc.com\/?p=726","title":{"rendered":"Successful Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"
Thrivers are made, not born<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Children need safe, loving and structured childhoods, but they also need autonomy, competence and agency to flourish and grow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After combing through piles of research on traits most highly correlated to optimizing kids\u2019 thriving abilities, I identified seven skills kids need to boost mental toughness, resilience, social competence, self-awareness and moral strength \u2014 and they are what separates successful kids who shine from those who struggle:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Self-confidence<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most parents equate self-esteem with self-confidence. They tell their kids \u201cYou\u2019re special\u201d or \u201cYou can be anything you want.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But there\u2019s little evidence that boosting self-esteem increases academic success or even authentic happiness. Studies do show, however, that children who attribute their grades to their own efforts and strengths are more successful than kids who believe they have no control over academic outcomes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Real self-confidence is an outcome of doing well, facing obstacles, creating solutions and snapping back on your own. Fixing your kid\u2019s problems or doing their tasks for them only makes them think: \u201cThey don\u2019t believe I can.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kids who have self-assuredness know they can fail but also rebound, and that\u2019s why we must unleash ourselves from hovering, snowplowing and rescuing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Empathy<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This character strength has three distinct types: affective empathy, when we share another\u2019s feelings and feel their emotions; behavioral empathy, when empathic concern rallies us to act with compassion; and cognitive empathy, when we understand another\u2019s thoughts or step into their shoes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kids need an emotional vocabulary to develop empathy. Here are ways parents can teach that:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Label emotions: Intentionally name emotions in context to help them build an emotion vocabulary: \u201cYou\u2019re happy!\u201d \u201cYou seem upset.\u201d
Ask questions: \u201cHow did that make you feel?\u201d \u201cYou seem scared. Am I right?\u201d Help your child recognize that all feelings are normal. How we choose to express them is what can get us in trouble.
Share feelings: Kids need opportunities to express their feelings in a safe way. Create that space by sharing your own emotions: \u201cI didn\u2019t sleep much so I\u2019m irritable.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m frustrated with this book.\u201d
Notice others: Point out people\u2019s faces and body language at the library or park: \u201cHow do you think that man feels?\u201d \u201cHave you ever felt like that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kids need an emotional vocabulary to develop empathy. Here are ways parents can teach that: Label emotions: Intentionally name emotions in context to help them build an emotion vocabulary: \u201cYou\u2019re happy!\u201d \u201cYou seem upset.\u201d
Ask questions: \u201cHow did that make you feel?\u201d \u201cYou seem scared. Am I right?\u201d Help your child recognize that all feelings are normal. How we choose to express them is what can get us in trouble.
Share feelings: Kids need opportunities to express their feelings in a safe way. Create that space by sharing your own emotions: \u201cI didn\u2019t sleep much so I\u2019m irritable.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m frustrated with this book.\u201d
Notice others: Point out people\u2019s faces and body language at the library or park: \u201cHow do you think that man feels?\u201d \u201cHave you ever felt like that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
Control of actions and desires is a strength tied to success<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Self-control<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The ability to control your attention, emotions, thoughts, actions and desires is one of the most highly correlated strengths to success \u2014 and a surprising untapped secret to helping kids bounce back and thrive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One way to teach self-control is to give signals. Some kids have a hard time changing focus between activities. That\u2019s why teachers use \u201cattention signals\u201d like ringing a bell or verbal cues: \u201cPencils down, eyes up.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Develop a signal, practice together, and then expect attention! A few: \u201cI need your attention in one minute.\u201d \u201cReady to listen?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another technique is to use stress pauses. Slowing down gives them time to think. Teach a \u201cpausing prompt\u201d your child can use to remind them to stop and think before acting:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf you\u2019re mad, count to 10 before you answer.\u201d\n\u201cWhen in doubt: Stop, think, cool off.\u201d\n\u201cDon\u2019t say anything you wouldn\u2019t want said about you.\u201d<\/code><\/pre>\n\n\n\n
Integrity<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Integrity is a set of learned beliefs, capacities, attitudes and skills that create a moral compass children can use to help them know \u2014 and do \u2014 what\u2019s right. Laying out our own expectations is a huge part of the puzzle. But equally important is giving them space to develop their own moral identity alongside and separate from our own. It also helps to acknowledge and praise ethical behavior when your child displays it so they recognize that you value it. Call out integrity, then describe the action so your child knows what they did to deserve recognition. Using the word \u201cbecause\u201d makes your praise more specific: \u201cThat showed integrity because you refused to pass on that gossip.\u201d \u201cYou showed integrity because you kept your promise to go with your friend even though you had to give up the slumber party!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Curiosity<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Curiosity is the recognition, pursuit and desire to explore novel, challenging and uncertain events.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To help kids build curiosity, I like to use open-ended toys, gadgets and games. Give them paint, yarn and popsicle sticks to create constructions. Or offer paper clips and pipe cleaners and challenge your kids to see how many unusual ways they can use them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Another method is to model inquisitiveness. Instead of saying \u201cThat won\u2019t work,\u201d try \u201cLet\u2019s see what happens!\u201d Instead of giving answers, ask: \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d \u201cHow do you know?\u201d \u201cHow can you find out?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lastly, you read a book, watch a film or just walk by someone, use \u201cI wonder\u201d questions: \u201cI wonder where she\u2019s going.\u201d \u201cI wonder why they\u2019re doing that.\u201d \u201cI wonder what happens next.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Perseverance<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Perseverance helps kids keep on when everything else makes it easier to give up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mistakes can derail kids from getting to the end and succeeding. So don\u2019t let your kid catastrophize their problem. Instead, help them zero in and identify their stumble.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some kids give up because they feel overwhelmed with \u201call the problems\u201d or \u201call their assignments.\u201d Chunking tasks into smaller parts helps kids who have difficulties focusing or getting started.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You can teach your daughter to \u201cchunk it,\u201d for example, by covering all her math problems with a piece of paper, except the top row. Lower the covered paper down the next row and the next as each row is completed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Older kids can write each assignment on one sticky note, in order of difficulty, and do one task at a time. Encourage them to do the hardest thing first so they won\u2019t stress about it all night. Confidence and perseverance build as kids complete larger chunks alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Optimism<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Optimistic kids view challenges and obstacles as temporary and able to be overcome, so they are more likely to succeed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But there is a dramatically opposing view: pessimism. Children who are pessimistic see challenges as permanent, like cement blocks that are impossible to move, and so they are more likely to quit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Teaching children optimism begins with us. Kids adopt our words as their inner voices, so over the next few days, tune in to your typical messages and assess the outlook you offer your kids.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
On average, would you say you\u2019re generally more pessimist or optimistic? Do you usually describe things as positive or negative; half full or empty; good or bad; through rose- or blue-tinted glasses? Would your friends and family say the same about you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you see that you\u2019re tilting to the half-empty side, remember that change starts by looking in the mirror. If you see pessimism, write about why becoming more optimistic would help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Change is hard, but it\u2019s important to be the example of what you want your child to learn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
==  Michele Borba  ==<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Children need safe, loving and structured childhoods, but they also need autonomy, competence and agency to flourish and grow. After combing through piles of research on traits most highly correlated […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":727,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_eb_attr":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"set","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"_EventAllDay":false,"_EventTimezone":"","_EventStartDate":"","_EventEndDate":"","_EventStartDateUTC":"","_EventEndDateUTC":"","_EventShowMap":false,"_EventShowMapLink":false,"_EventURL":"","_EventCost":"","_EventCostDescription":"","_EventCurrencySymbol":"","_EventCurrencyCode":"","_EventCurrencyPosition":"","_EventDateTimeSeparator":"","_EventTimeRangeSeparator":"","_EventOrganizerID":[],"_EventVenueID":[],"_OrganizerEmail":"","_OrganizerPhone":"","_OrganizerWebsite":"","_VenueAddress":"","_VenueCity":"","_VenueCountry":"","_VenueProvince":"","_VenueState":"","_VenueZip":"","_VenuePhone":"","_VenueURL":"","_VenueStateProvince":"","_VenueLat":"","_VenueLng":"","_VenueShowMap":false,"_VenueShowMapLink":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-726","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/d2fpc.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/726","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/d2fpc.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/d2fpc.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/d2fpc.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/d2fpc.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=726"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/d2fpc.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/726\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/d2fpc.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/727"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/d2fpc.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=726"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/d2fpc.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=726"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/d2fpc.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=726"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}