It is time to bag the sandwich method of delivering bad news. You know, the technique where you say something nice, then drop in the criticism, and the end with something nice. It’s not like the person won’t notice that the center of the sandwich is terrible; the method is really designed to make it easier on the giver.
When you communicate something to somebody, it’s irreversible and irretrievable. You can’t take it back, and it can be difficult to know what words to say in order to approach somebody and give them feedback. Whether you need to say they did or didn’t do or something, it feels uncomfortable.
The old methods of feedback can have a ripple effect with your team, resulting in people calling in sick, getting upset, or even quitting. But conflict avoidance isn’t the answer. Instead, start with, “Got a minute? Great. I need your help.”
Nothing about this is scary. And ‘I need your help’ is an international surrender of agenda. It’s a disarming way to get attention sincerely and genuinely. And you do need their help because their behavior is becoming problematic.
Next, say, “I noticed an unusually inappropriate behavior by you and I was wondering what’s causing this problem. It cannot continue. What do you suggest we do?”
The word ‘because’ is one of the most persuasive words… everyone wants to know what comes after it.
Also, asking what the person suggests we do is powerful because people are persuaded most by their own words. The approach is designed to be nonthreatening, compassionate, and open-minded. It finds positivity in the way you communicate, manage, and lead, especially when you need to correct a problematic behavior.
The traditional good-bad-good “dirt sandwich” method doesn’t always work. People still use it because they’re nervous about being too critical. This newer, thoughtful and direct approach is actually a verbal contract you are creating with another person to better yourself as a leader and better them as team member, colleague, or friend.
Giving negative feedback is important in many situations. If you delay or don’t approach a sensitive subject, it’s like not telling a friend they have spinach in their teeth.
If you have spinach in your teeth, do you want to know or not? It’s still there. When something needs to be said, most people in the group know it. Everyone, that is, except for the person who needs the feedback. It’s like someone walking around with a ‘kick me’ sign on their back.
Words are power containers. Every word should be carefully selected. Sometimes people want a script, but you don’t want to sound scripted. When you’re ready, it should feel planned, not canned.
The tone you’re seeking is helpful rather than reprimand. You set the expectation by saying, ‘This cannot continue’. “Asking, ‘What do you suggest we do?’ makes the point that it’s us against the problem, instead of me versus you.
== Stephanie Vozza ==